Dreamer’s Journals

wow..its been a very very very long time since the last time I wrote anything to this blogs..its also been long since the last time I visit anyone’s blogs..so why do I suddenly decided to write again??I don’t know..there are no particular reason I just do..as a starter perhaps I’ll write what I’ve been doing today..i wake up at 11..very late, don’t know why its been a habit since this semi-long holy day..some part of it due to my habit of sleeping late at dawn (4:00 am)..then i call my girlfriend using my new bought esia because she didn’t reply my sms for almost 2 days..apparently she is run out of pulsa (well i don’t know what is pulsa in english)..then we had a short chat and zap..the phone is just off..i now guess she really does runs out of pulsa, because recieving a call also require pulsa there(she is in america)..then i was having my lunch (no breakfast)..call ondre to go celebrity fitness..playing emperor while waiting for 4:00 pm (we decided to meet at 4:pm at puri)..after practice at the gym, we went to rachels one night "stay" (not "stand") apartment at aston rasuna (kuningan) to have our diner..meet other friends (there is erick wong and shiely tillie and 2 other rachels friends which i don’t know)..then we go home..now i just finish my bath, and typing at my new buy laptop (not older then one month)..

What exactly i want to write down, i don’t know.. i just let my mind think of anything, then let my fingers follows..well, if you ever watch the sixth sense (by bruce willis and that little famous kid whose name i forgot) there is writing method called free association writing..its simple, u just take a paper, and a pen..and start writing anything that popped up in your head..mind actually is an incredibly creative one..it can think of anything, or everything.. it just came out randomly..have u ever try to stop thinking??try it sometimes, you’ll realize how hard can it be..poeple think not to think is just simply not to think..but we never know if we never try..I’ve try it sometimes..to meditate..keep your mind still..but never really succeed..everything just keep appearing, thoughts that u didn’t even realize u are thinking..some says, being able to set the stillness of mind is being able to release yourself from your ego..but others says that the state of no mind is actually let your mind free (also free from ego), and being a mirror..it grasp a things, but not hold on to it (like reflection from the mirror), you let the mind just flowing freely, not influenced by your logical or systematic thinking..Zen and Taoist practitioner, meditate to achieve enlightenment..Buddhist, especially monks, hold the concept of everyday life is a meditation..while the Moslem’s, use the method of 5 times "sholat" a day to achieve this meditative state of life..as for Christians..i don’t really able to connect these meditation concept with Christians teaching until this day..

So, why does being able to empty your mind is so important..or is it really important..the correct answer.. i don’t know..as a martial artist, according to bruce lee the concept of being empty is being purposeless..its a very important state of mind that every martialist  struggle to achieve during a combat by drowning them self to intense martial arts training, and by meditating (of course not all martialist meditate)..the goal is to be empty, to be able to react naturally to every kinds of situation during combat..no matter what kind of attack used by the enemy become unimportant, because u are empty..u didn’t expect anything to come..u just react, at that moment, u are being yourself..u become one with the enemy. But the truth is, u are being empty, there is no perception, there is no enemy, just an attack coming, and u react by blocking, an opening appear, and u hit it..u are being one with the nature..that is the way of a true martialist..i learn this concept from the late infamous bruce lee, from his book, edited by john little (a bruce lee specialist), "Bruce Lee, The Artist Of Life"..but other similar idea is also taught by musashi, the japan greatest swordsman from his book, "The book of five ring"..it stated that, to cut with your sword cannot be different from swinging a pole..and to walk during combat, or to a combat, cannot be different from walking to an amusement park..no tension at all during combat..but the different of the teaching is that, musashi always stressed that in every combat u are, your intention has to be only one, which is to strike down your enemy..every strike must be a killing blow..same principle must be upheld even during practice, because if u don’t, then its not a combat, its a childs play..its a rather different statement with bruce lee’s teaching of being purposeless..which one is the most true teaching..again, i don’t know..my mind is filled with this much concept and idea, but being able to assimilate it, and synthesize a new idea is still way to hard for me..a lot of practice, self introspection, and life experience needed..perhaps those teachings are different..but somehow, i feel that its not..its the same..i don’t know how to formulate it..but i just feel that they are (some spiritualist will say, "the spirits tells me")..in the book of five rings there is a special chapter called "the book of void", and in bruce lee’s, there is "Wu Shin" (No Mind), and "Wu Wei" (No action)..to bad, my study of these two books aren’t yet finished..perhaps I’ll get a better understanding of them after more and more reading..and of course by practicing..

and that was just me explaining the meaning of no mind from the martialist perspective..but how does it applies at daily life??what is the ultimate goal??being able to free self during combat perhaps logically connected to being able to free yourself from your ego during daily life..but can the concept of being yourself can be applied in the same way..in daily life, we tend to not being ourself..some people are so needy of social attention until their action during are not anymore original from their true self..they try to act in a way to show people that this is they really are, but perhaps the actually don’t..attention is what they seek, their goal in relation with others become blurred (this kind of personality called Histrionic in psychiatry)..on the other hand, some people being so confident that they are being them self..they do what they want and stand for what they think is right..until their action considered selfish by the others..and cause a disharmonious to their relationship with others which is not concordant to the concept of being one with the nature..some people’s relationship is based on what advantage can they get..so advantages is their main purpose..they try to put them self in a good position in a society..how??by keeping the goods and ditching the others..this whole way of act during daily life will lead to the next question..what is your purpose of life??because the way you act suppose to be concordant with your purpose of living..if u are not being your self then you are not yet know the purpose of your life..now you can try to ask yourself this question, "am I being myself"? and the next is, "what is my purpose of life"?

So what is my answer???hehehe…

now that is a very long long long entry for a "long time no see" post..I’ve told u, mind can be incredibly creative..the topics above are things that i always love to discuss..with who??mostly with myself (i am a schizoid after all)..well, of course sometimes i discuss it with my fellow martialist, which is my closest friends..but not every little thing..mostly only the one related to martial arts

The next question is..do i hope any people will read this entry??i certainly not..not all wants to spend their time reading a very long long post..so for those who actually read and understands it, you are always welcome to read more and to discuss about it..but for those who doesn’t..u can just think of me talking to myself, then write it down in a post..as the matter of fact, i did stated before that there is no particular reason why i write this blog..it is actually can be considered a result of me talking to myself (well not literally talking)..